Fun packed weekend...

We had a wonderful fun packed weekend. My Brother, Bob, Sister-in-Law, Sandi and Nephew, Gavin came to NY for a visit. Them along with my Brother, Michael, Sister-in-Law, Lisa and Niece Mia, John and I went to White Post Farms . We also took our other Nephew Joey with us. We had such a good time. The kids (and adults) got to feed/pet the animals. The kids ran, jumped and just had an all a round good time. We came home and had a nice lunch and dinner together. The fun continued into Sunday. John made pasta and sauce for dinner and we all enjoyed a great home cooked meal before they each went their own ways. Mom was present I am sure. She watched down with a huge smile as her grand kids played. The sun was shining and I am sure that she had something to do with it. On Sunday the movie, Lord of the Rings played. One of Mom's all time favorite movies. So she was definitely hanging out with us for the weekend. My only wish, as always, is that she was here, here in person to experience all of these great times with us. Not a day goes by that I don't wish that. Not a day....

But...

I was going to call you today but...

Broken...

We visited with Mom this past Saturday. The sky was so blue with only a few white puffy clouds scattered here and there. A warm breeze blew on our faces as the tears streamed from our eyes.

It was a perfect summer day. We bought a bouquet of flowers and placed them in the ground next to Mom's headstone.

It had obviously rained the night before and you could see that the dirt was drying in the warm sun. A very few strands of grass surrounded the head stone. The section still to new to complete. Crab grass was sprouting up in clusters. Hawks flying above in a circle making their kee-aah sound.

There was an elderly man tending to his wife's headstone. We met up with him a section down as we both stopped to get water for the flowers which we would lay at our loved ones plot. The man was clearly by himself and my heart ached for him, for me. Hopefully he had a wonderful full life with his wife. Mine cut too short with my Mother.

The warm breeze blew as I looked up to the sky and asked "Why"? Why was Mom taken so soon? What was God's plan with her?

The answer to these questions I'm sure God with make known to me as time goes no. For now I just can't help but ask, why?

As the days/months since Mom's passing have gotten better I will forever be broken. Broken in the sense that my heart will always be missing a piece. I know that time heals all wounds. I will mend and I am but a scar will always remain...a scar on a girl who just misses her Mom.

~Christine

Wind Beneath My Wings...

What a powerful song. I danced with my Mom at my Wedding to this song and now it helps me while I grieve her loss. Mom was truly our hero. When my parents divorced she was the one who would do without to make sure we had. She sacrificed everything for us. She would work two jobs to try and make ends meet while she still made sure she was at every soccer game. We had it tough at times growing up but through it all Mom was always there. She is and will always be the Wind Beneath My Wings...

"Wind Beneath My Wings"

~~~

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

It must have been cold there in my shadow,

to never have sunlight on your face.

You were content to let me shine, that's your way.

You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,while you were the one with all the strength.

A beautiful face without a name for so long.

A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero, and everything I would like to be?

I can fly higher than an eagle,'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,but I've got it all here in my heart.

I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.

I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

You're everything I wish I could be.

I could fly higher than an eagle,'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?

You're everything, everything I wish I could be.

Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,

'cause you are the wind beneath my wings,

'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.

You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly away.

You let me fly so high.

Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky, so high I almost touch the sky.

Thank you, thank you,

Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

14 Months this very day...

Today marks 14 months exactly at 2:51 p.m. It was a "normal" Sunday at this house. A new normal since Mom has past. It was nice to have some of the family together. Michael, Lisa and Ms. Mia came for the day. We snacked on crackers and cheese, watched the Olympics, tried our hand at Mom's corn fritters and tomato salad and enjoyed a BBQ. It's hard to sit back and think that exactly 14 months ago ours lives changed in the blink of an eye. I feel guilty some days for laughing, shopping, going about our lives. I wonder if people think that I have forgotten or say I guess she's all healed. The day 14 months ago brings tears to my eyes if I allow it to. Our house just isn't the same but we are making the best of it. Our den is rarely used but yesterday it was the "hang-out" room. Filled with all of us navigating our way around the toys that Mia had tossed around. Stepping over dogs, pillows and blankets. It was nice to see the room in use... Filled with laughter and family. This is our new norm and I think we are all making the best of it. Mom is here...in our hearts and minds. She's there when I miss my mouth and food/drink spills on my shirt just like her. She's there when I look in the mirror. She in my heart where I can never forget!

Grieving with hope...

Powerful words...Today I watched the Chapman Family's interview on Good Morning America. The Chapmans, just this past May, lost their five year old daughter Maria in a tragic car accident. The car was being driven by her teenage brother. He didn't see her as she ran to the car to great him and was struck by the car. Maria died that evening. She along with two of her sisters were adopted from China after her oldest sister begged her parents to adopt. Steven Curtis Chapman is a renowned Christian Music Singer. One of his songs plays here on this site... With Hope. The Chapman's strength and courage through this is an inspiration. While they question Gods plan they have never lost their faith. They know that one day they will see Maria again. Good bye is not the end...They grieve with hope that they will see her face again. I too have to believe this...

We cry with hope, We say goodbye with hope...Goodbye is not the end. We will see Mom's face again....

We believe with Hope....

~Christine

You can read more about Maria Sue Chapman and the Chapman family here...

www.stevencurtischapman.com

Please...

Please Be Gentle

By Jill B. Englar

~~~~

Please be gentle with me for I am grieving.

The sea I swim in is a lonely oneand the shore seems miles away.

Waves of despair numb my soulas I struggle through each day.

My heart is heavy with sorrow.

I want to shout and screamand repeatedly ask 'why?'

At times, my grief overwhelms meand I weep bitterly, so great is my loss.

Please don’t turn away or tell me to move on with my life.

I must embrace my pain before I can begin to heal.

Companion me through tears and sit with me in loving silence.

Honor where I am in my journey, not where you think I should be.

Listen patiently to my story, I may need to tell it over and over again.

It’s how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss.

Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead.

Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable.

A small flame still burns within my heart,

and shared memories may trigger both laughter and tears.

I need your support and understanding.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

I must find my own path.

Please, will you walk beside me?