The happiest name...

I received an email from my sister-in-law, Lisa. She heard on the radio today that the number one girl name for the happiest females is................... Judy. So people with the name Judy seem to be the happiest, according to this study.

Of course we already know that.

Funniest part...The saddest or most depressed people have the name................... Take a guess, and this is what they said................ did you guess???????????? It is..........
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Lynne! No joke.

Sad...

There was a program on last night either on Entertainment Tonight or something like that. There was a woman who was very over weight. I think she was around 900 lbs. Anyway she had two young daughters. I guess the show had been following her story and she was going in for gastric bypass. They didn't know if she would make it or not. A couple of days after the surgery she suffered a massive heart attack and died. Well that's all that I needed to hear. I lost it. I felt so bad for those little girls who will not have their Mom in theirs lives. Sad, just a sad story.

I don't know if Mom's heart failure was from the surgery or not. I can speculate that it was but will never know for sure.

I wish that she didn't have it. I truly, truly do. If only we listened more. Read more about it.

I could go on forever with the If's but I just miss her so very, very much.

Christine

21 Months...

21 months ago, today, I lost my Mom.

21 years ago, next week, I lost my Grandma.

It never gets easier. I could cry as hard today as I did 21 months ago; as I did 21 years ago.

You learn to live with the pain. The heartache. We learn to go on.

There will always be a hole in my heart for my Mom and my Grandmother. We learn to bandage the hurt and go on. It's what's instilled in us and even when we cannot imagine moving on, we do; because each day comes and goes, and here we still are, going through the motions and getting through each of those days.

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May the road rise to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back,

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

The rain fall soft upon your fields,

And, until we meet again,

May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

Alone time...

This past Saturday I decided that I wanted to go and visit with Mom. John was still away on business so I grabbed a bagel and some O.J. and hopped in the car. The drive isn't bad and I had no problems getting there. I stopped along the way at the florist that has become our favorite one. I picked up a dozen red, purple and white roses. They were beautiful and roses are Mom's favorite.

I got to the cemetery, stopped on the way to Mom's section and picked up a cone to put the flowers in. I continued to Section 32 and parked. Well that's when it hit me. I have been here many times before but never alone. John has always been with me. I was frozen. Unable to open the car door and get out. I started crying, you know those big crocodile tears. I called John and he assured me that while it was hard to go alone that I would be able to do it. So, I grabbed my coat, picked up the flowers and cone and headed down to 2073.

The visit with Mom was nice. I had my own, private time. The flowers that we left for her on her birthday were still there, all dried and withered. I replaced them with the beautiful roses and a red heart that I also picked up at the florist.

I spent a little while or so there talking and asking why. I said my goodbyes and left my heart behind. The very little red heart that I picked up at the florist.

My heart will forever be with my Mom. It aches for her and I miss her every single day.

~Christine