Puddin' & the Clock...

No it's not a new children's book (although it sounds like it very well could be).

Puddin' ~ Last night I made chocolate pudding. The My*T*Fine one. The one were you mix the powder and milk and stir for what seems like forever till you get a good boil going. As I was eating my still hot (the only way to eat) pudding I remembered Mom. I would make pudding and we would sit while eating it and watch General Hospital on SoapNet. I guess I was just remembering the times and missing her.

Clock~ I walked into little Bobby's (he's 23 now but will always be the little one) room the other day and saw that he had Mom's alarm clock. I suddenly got sad. Why? Who knows. I know it's just a clock but I guess I wasn't expecting it to be there. It should be on her night stand and she should be the one using it...but she's not. I thought and thought about asking if I could have it. Why? Who knows. I just wanted it. So I asked James if he minded if I traded clocks with Bob. He said it didn't matter to him. So I asked Bob and he was fine with it. Why did I need to have it? I really can't explain it but I do. So I dusted it off and set the clock and now it sits on my night stand. Makes me feel a little closer to her I guess. I really can't explain it but it makes me happy to see it there, on my night stand.

And there you have it .... Puddin' & the Clock ...

Be near...

Mom I need you near. Near to help me stay sane. Near to be my shoulder to cry on . Near to be my strength. Near to help me say the truth. Near to be here to talk to, to laugh with. Near to just be near.

Mom I need your strength. Your wisdom.

Mom be near...

On my mind...

Mom's really been on my mind these last couple of days. Gavin and Mia have each started their summer activities.

Gavin started summer camp, two days a week. This is his first time that he has gone to anything that Sandi has not stayed at. He did great! He is starting school in September so this is a great way to ease him into new and exciting things.

Mia started ballet class on Tuesday and she too loved it. She learned her beginning positions. She looked really cute in her ballet outfit.

The summer is going by so fast and the kids are getting so big.

I just really wish that Nana was here to see them grow and discover new and exciting things.

I wish that instead of telling me these things that their parents were telling Mom.

I wish that the phone was ringing for her. That I could see and hear the excitement as she heard what her babies are up to.

Mom I'm just missing you and wishing you were here...

25 Months and what I've learned...

25 months have passed and I've learned a lot over these two plus years.

I haven't had an easy time dealing with Mom's passing but I honestly feel that I am dealing well with it. John is my rock and I really give him a lot of credit. He's there for me with all of my ups and downs.

My heart does ache for James as he is lost and lonely. He misses Mom dearly. I pray that God will comfort his heart.

• I've learned that time doesn't heal your wounds it just lessens the pain.
• I've learned that I can't do everything for everyone.
• I've learned that I need to start doing things for myself.
• I've learned that I need to let others start doing for themselves
• I've learned that life can change in a matter of seconds.
• I've learned that I can't change others.
• I've learned that sometimes you just need to cry.
• I've learned that I have to let things go and not get so upset at things that I can't change (this one's a work in progress and it's not easy for me but I am trying).
• I've learned that my Mother needs to be given a hell of a lot more praise than she was ever given for making me the woman I am today.
• I've learned that I will always want to call my Mom and tell her something that has happen no matter how many years pass.
• I've learned that while it's hard for me not to worry about others so much that, that is exactly what I need to do.
• I've learned that doing what I want to do is important
• I've learned that Faith makes things possible not easier.
• I've learned that I will forever miss my Mom...

Happy 4th of July!

We spent the day at John's brothers house...Jason & Nancy put together such a nice time. There was tons of food, fun and laughter and of course fireworks.

When we were younger and it was just, Mom, Me, Michael and Bobby we were always together and the 4th of July was no different. I remember my Aunt coming over and we would get the chairs out of the garage and sit in the driveway watching the fireworks. I can remember Mike and Irene coming over and the crazy times we had. I remember the excitement as a kid as you waited for it to get dark outside. I remember taking short walks around the block to see what we could see. I remember coming in from a warm, humid night into the cool air conditioned house. I remember checking on the dogs to make sure they we not too scared. I remember getting out the citronella candle to keep the mosquitoes away. I remember going to bed that night and hearing the sounds of the fireworks.

Those members came flooding back as I sat on the steps of Jason and Nancy's house. For a moment I was transported back. Back to the time as a kid, spending a full filled day and evening. Oh how I wished Mom was here today watching the fireworks with me. I cried a silent cry as I sat on the steps wishing that Mom could have been here.

Happy 4th of July.. may you make memories that last a lifetime!