Oh how we wish...

On Saturday John and I took Mia to the toy store as a reward for being a big girl now. No more diapers! On the way to the store and out of no where she said that she wished she was baby Mia so that Nana could hold her and give her a bottle.

Oh Mia how we all wish the same thing...

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

Today Mom would have turned 62. On Satuday John and I brought her some flowers and a balloon. It was a cold and very windy day.

Birthdays were a special thing at our house. Mom let you choose the meal of your choice and she cooked it up. So John and I decided to have dinner in honor of Mom. We invited everyone over. Bob, Sandi, Gavin & Mason drove from Pennsylvania just for the day to celebrate Nana's birthday.

I think Mom would have liked the dinner. We had chicken cutlets and pasta. We toasted to her and had a nice time together. Desert time came around and Bobby had brought over a cheese cake. Mia saw the cake and knew it was Nana's birthday. What do you think any 3 1/2 year old would want to do? Sing Happy Birthday, of course. I gave her three candles (one for every birthday that she has missed). Lisa lit them and we sang. We all sang Happy Birthday Mom/Nana. Tears rolled down my face at what a sweet, sweet thought this was. Mom would have loved this. She would have loved spending time with her grandchildren.

Here's to Mom and hoping that her birthday in heaven was celebrated amongst the angels. Happy Birthday Mom. We love and miss you dearly.

Merry Christmas in Heaven

Merry Christmas in Heaven Mom. We love and miss you!!!

2 1/2 years...

It's been awhile I know. It's not that Mom hasn't been on my mind, she has, it's just that I have a lot going on right now and finding the words, the correct words, has been hard.

Today marks 2 1/2 years that Mom has been gone. Can you even imagine. 2 1/2 years. That shocks me. A lot has changed in my life since that day and a lot will be changing in months to come.

The holiday season is upon us and the house has been decorated for Christmas, Mom's favorite holiday. The tree has been trimmed this year with ornaments from our childhood. Mom's grandchildren helped decorate it and while it was a beautiful moment it was also a sad one. I wished so much that she could have been here to watch them as their faces lite up with excitement.

Tomorrow we will decorate Mom's grave, equipped with lights to shine up to heaven. She's needs to see it all the way up there in heaven, don't you think?

Happy Anniversary in Heaven Mom...We love and miss you so very, very much.

Happy Thanksgiving...

Happy Thanksgiving in Heaven...

We gathered as a family around the dinner table.

Turkey, stuffing, stuffed mushrooms galore.

Pies and cakes and laughter and joy.

The only thing missing was your sweet face to adore.

Happy Thanksgiving in Heaven Mom.

We love and miss you so very deeply.

29 Months

28 Months...

28 months have pasted and my heart still aches.

You know, when I was a kid, and my parents used to argue, I thought that they would never get divorced because, well, that can’t happen to me.

Well it did.

When my Mom lay unconscious on the bed I thought that she would just come right out of it.

But she didn’t.

I never imagined my life without her. I never thought for a second that she would be gone one day and that I would be left here alone, without her.

I’ve learned a lot in 28 months. Some things good. Some things bad.

I have really tried to do my best which we all know sometimes just isn’t enough.

I think that I have a tough job ahead of me. One that I would never wish on any one.

Sure I’m not the one that has to explain to their kids my Nana isn’t here anymore.

I‘m not the one that has to hear Mia say that she misses Nana and that Nana used to give her a bottle. I don’t have that. One day I will…I hope.

But I need to start living for me. For my husband.

My Mom was the great and powerful Oz (like the Wizard of Oz reference). She knew all and knew what needed to get done. Sometimes I was on her side. Sometimes I wasn’t. But you had to respect what she did. What she overcame.

I miss Mom terribly and today, 28 months later is no different than that day. Sure the constant pain has subsided. Sure the heart has mended. But there is a tear. A tear that will never heal. I can bandage it and cover it but it’s there and it’s part of me.

I can still cry at the drop of a hat. Can’t watch any television shows that have to do with anything medical. Cry when someone losses a loved one. Hate driving by the hospital where she died. Miss calling her during the day. Miss her.

So today, 28 months later life must go on. The dogs will get a bath. The basement will get cleaned out. The carpet man will come over to leave us samples. But even with all this going on there will always be one thing missing…Mom. So today at 2:51 p.m. I will stop and remember. Remember that great and powerful Oz. Remember Mom...