Some days...

Some days I miss my old life...with my Mother in it.

~Christine

The #10

So we are back from AC and we had a great time. Mom was forever on my mind. We played her numbers 1 (the month of her birth), 6 (the month of her death), and 10 (day of both). We hit 10 on the first go around. We were shocked but not surprised. It was a way of Mom telling us that she was with us. We enjoyed our little get away. I thought of Mom often. We went to a breakfast buffet on Friday morning. They had everything. Mom LOVED breakfast. It was her favorite meal. Well as I was looking around the buffet I said to myself Mom would be in heaven if she saw all this...then I remembered...she is :(

~Christine

Irene, this one's for you...

Hi Irene,

We didn't get to speak yesterday. John and I are going to Atlantic City today and Friday. We will be meeting up with Sandi and Bob tomorrow. We will be back on Saturday. Talk to you then. Call us on John's cell if you like.

Take Care...Love, Christine

Feeling sad...

The pieces of my heart are missing you...

Some guilt...

This as been on my mind for a while and it finally came out Saturday night on the way home from visiting with Bob, Sandi & Gavin. I have always felt a little sense of guilt about the day that Mom passed. Let me start from the beginning. The day before (Saturday) we had our father's day picnic, yes, it was a week early. Bob, Sandi and Gavin came in for it. Michael had a bachelor party to attend in Atlantic City so Lisa & Mia spend the day and night with us. That next morning started out a little hectic. Teresa had an argument with her boyfriend and called the house early so that she could come over. Lisa and Mia were already at the house and Bob & Sandi were at her parents house and had not yet left to go back to Pennsylvania. Since John & I were up already because of the early phone call from Teresa we called Bob & Sandi and told them to stop over before they left for home and they did. So we were all there, hanging out. It was early and I didn't really know if Mom was up or not. I believe that Sandi asked if she was up and I probably told her that she was sleeping. This is were the guilt comes in. WHY, WHY, WHY did I not just go upstairs and see. Even if she was sleeping we could have woken her up and they would have gotten to see her one last time. I feel so bad about this, really I do. I know that there is nothing I can do to change it but to think about it makes me cry.

We visited with Bob, Sandi & Gavin this weekend and had a great time. Gavin is an amazing little boy and I am so proud of him. We had a great visit. While the boys were playing Sandi and I had some down time and we just sat and talked and of course I cried. On the way home the guilt set in and I was hysterical. I guilt was so fierce. I was driving and crying. I made John call them to tell them that I was so very sorry that I didn't let them see Mom. They were sweet and caring and told me that I was crazy and that they didn't hold anything against me.

I want to thank them for understanding and for letting me get this off of my chest.

Happy Birthday Bob, to both of my Bob's. Hope you guys enjoy your day.

To Sandi & Bob, thanks again for a great visit!

~Christine

Gavin, You make Nana so proud...

Yesterday Gavin had his first visit with the Dentist. He did, you guessed it, AMAZING! He let the Dentist check all of his teeth. Do a fluoride treatment and then a cleaning. Not a tear was in site and the report from the Dentist ... perfect teeth. No cavities!! Just what Nana would love to hear.

Gavin, you are such a big boy. You are amazing, smart, funny. Your Nana is smiling down on you. She is so very proud of you. I only wish that she was here to tell you herself. Always remember that she is watching you, guiding you and loving you from above. She is your special angle and will let nothing harm you.

Gavin also gave up the last of his baby items last night ... the Bink! He only got the binkie when he went into the crib. He had them in every corner of the crib. He knew that he could only have it in there. Well last night he gathered them all up put them in an envelope and sent them to the Binkie fairy. What an accomplishment for such a little boy.

Gavin, know that we are all so proud of you. Your Nana no doubt is smiling from ear to ear. As you get older your parents will share stories of her. Keep Nana in your heart, your soul and know that even though she isn't here in person she is all around you. She's the sunlight in your hair, the wind beneath your wings. She will never be forgotten as long as we remember...

~Love, Aunt Tine

13 Months...

With today marking 13 months since Mom's passing I sit here in total disbelief. Where has the time gone? 13 months, how can it be? I'll admit some days are harder than others.

I made a sauce last night and as we started to eat Steven turned to me and said "it tastes like Mom's" and you know what it did. I shocked myself.

I miss my Mom every day. Do I still cry, Yes. I feel bad that her grandchild will only know her by her picture. I feel bad that we were all robbed of such a wonderful person. But I feel glad when I look in the mirror every day and see my mothers face smiling back at me.

~Christine