Opting out...

This Saturday, June 26 is our family's Father's Day Picnic. What? That passed already. I know that's what you are thinking, but here's the story.

John and I started this years back. Oh, 6+ years I would say and yes it was started on Father's Day as a way for everyone to get together and have fun. We eventually moved it to the Saturday before (to much to do on a Sunday with work the next day). Two years ago it was moved to June 9. The day just seemed to work and only God knew how important that day would become. The weather wasn't that great...kind of overcast but everyone was there. We had family come from out of state...Bob, Sandi and Gavin from Pennsylvania and John's Aunt and Uncle from New Jersey. It was a great day and one that I will always remember. There was fun, food and soft ball games. Mom wasn't feeling that great but we all thought it would be a great idea for her to come and get out a little. She did great. Played with the kids and got to see everyone for what would be the...last time. Who knew what would transpire just hours later the next day. Who knew that our world would come crashing down.

The picnic did not take place last year but this year it's back on, late but back on. But here's the problem. I just can't bring myself to go. Silly, yes but nevertheless painful. The last time we were there, we were there with Mom. Here one day and gone the next. I am opting out of the picnic and taking myself to PA for the day. It's not that I don't want to go and be a part of the fun it's just that I can't. I just can't do it without breaking down. Some may think I am silly for feeling this way but it's the way I feel. I can't go and have fun there. Maybe in time. Maybe next year.

But this year I am opting out...