I miss...

I miss my Mom.

I miss her laughter.

I miss her smile.

I miss her frown.

I miss her mac & cheese, her chicken cutlets, her sauce.

I miss our trips to the Diner. To Target.

I miss her silly faces.

I miss her...

On Monday I had to have my tooth pulled which brought me to Mom's place of work. I was welcomed with open arms and treated like family. It was hard to be there, when she wasn't. It was hard seeing someone else at her desk.

It was nice to see welcoming faces. Hear that they miss her too. Hear that those that didn't know her wish that they did.

But still after all of the smiles and nice words it still all comes down to the fact that I still miss my Mom and want her back

Weepy & Sad but looking forward to a nice weekend...

So, I haven't written in like two weeks but I will say that i have been very emotional. Sometimes crying over nothing. I started writing the paragraph below last week but i never posted it.

I haven’t written in over a week but boy have I been weepy. John and I visited the cemetery on Saturday and it was like the faucet was left running. I was very emotional. I don’t know what it is. I think it’s the nice weather, watching the kids play, waiting for the birth of our nephew and realizing that Mom is not here to witness this. A child’s laughter brings an instant smile to my face; to anyone’s face. I want my Mom to see the smiles, hear the laughter that I see and hear.

John and I are going to Pennsylvania for the day tomorrow to visit Bob, Sandi and Gavin. I think it will be nice to get away for the day.

Enjoy the summer weather for the weekend.

Christine

22 Months & Easter

Today marks 22 months since that day. How could time have past by so quickly? Today was filled with fun and joy for me and others. But who knew 22 months ago that life would go on, could go on.

I spent the day with Mia. We planted flowers together. Flowers bring beauty, flowers bring smiles. Flowers show how life blooms right in front of your eyes even if your eyes fail to see. 22 months ago I could not even have imagined planting flowers on such a day. How could laughter and joy be filled within us on a day that brought us so much pain? But life has a way of continuing even if we feel that it should have stopped, even if we feel that we can't go forward. For the grief inside us is so bad that we just can't see going on.

For me the 10th of every single month reminds me of that day. Every time we turn the calender and face a new month I am reminded what happen on the 10th. I will always remember. I will never, ever forget.

Sandi called today. She took Gavin on an Easter egg hunt and as they got to the area Sandi said it was covered with pine cones. Gavin yelled "Nana". How cool is that? Nana was there with Gavin watching him as he found the eggs.

My Mom is with each and every one of us. Sometimes you need to sit and think but other times she's right there. It could be as simple as saying a word, hearing a song or yes, even seeing a pine cone. Mom will of course be missed this Easter. The second one since she has passed. Easter was the last holiday that we celebrated together as a family.

Happy Easter Mom. Missing you more and more each passing day.

With much love,

Christine

Easter Lillies...

This past Saturday John and I brought Mom some Easter Lillies and a Palm Cross for Easter.

They look beautiful . I miss my Mom so much that it hurts.

God gives and God takes away. I know this was always His plan. He always knew this was how it was meant to be. God gives and God takes away....

~~~~

I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining.
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am.
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand.
You never left my side,
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.

(From the Casting Crowns song, "Praise You in this Storm)

The little blue box that got to me...

Yesterday afternoon I stopped by our local Italian deli to pick up something for dinner. At the register there was a bucket of these ....

Mom loved these little candies. They come in little blue boxes. Soft almond honey nougat candy- vanilla, orange & lemon.

I just couldn't check out with out buying a little blue box. I don't eat it so really I just bought it for Mom.

I hope you dance...

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat But always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Living might mean taking chances

But they're worth taking

Lovin' might be a mistake But it's worth making

Don't let some hell bent heart Leave you bitter

When you come close to selling out Reconsider

Give the heavens above More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance!

Lee Ann Womack - I Hope You Dance lyrics