Happy New Year...

Today is New Years Eve and while others make their plans to party the night away I can't help but feel sad. I don't know if I can put it into words... I am sad to say goodbye to 2007...why you ask? I had the most horrible last six months of my life but yet I am still sad. It feels like with saying goodbye to 2007 that it's like losing my Mother again...weird I know but yet it's still how I feel. I guess since Mom passed in 2007 I will always feel a connection to it. It was the last year of her life and I think that's what makes me sad.

So Happy New Year to one and all... Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance...

Till next year....

~Christine

A star in the sky...

On Christmas morning just before our breakfast Bobby & Steven presented the family with a beautiful surprise. In Mom's honour they named a star in the sky for her... Double click on the first picture to find the location of the star name Judith Rose Heredia...

Christmas Morning Poem...

Before we opened out presents on Christmas morning Dad wrote this poem...

It's not about Christmas

and the Christmas you see

or the presents and toys or the gifts two and three.

Not the tree with lights all lite bright you see,

It's about our Family, Our Family you and Me.

So let's all give a hug and love till we cry for

those who have left us stands here by our side

Merry Christmas and

God Bless us All

Merry Christmas in Heaven...

Well Mom I think we did it...Christmas was a success...at least that's what I have been told. We baked, we cut, we fried, we cleaned, we cooked, we laughed and yes we cried. We tried to make everything like you would have. Mia and I baked Chocolate Chip cookies and Eddie said they were a hit. We all pitched in and made the Struffola's and I do mean everyone. Even Rick tired his hand. It was great to all be together this Christmas and that's why John flew in Teresa, Rick and Matthew. He felt that we could all lean on each other and we did. There was on thing thou that we missed and that was YOU! We know you were here by our side, smiling and I'm sure laughing with us. You would have been impressed with every one's help.

Merry Christmas in Heaven!

Love, Christine

A Christmas Blessing...

Today as we start to prepare the house for Christmas we remember those who can not be with us and those who have passed. Today to my total surprise John flew in my sister, Teresa, her husband Rick and my nephew Matthew. What a TOTAL blessing. He felt that we all needed to be together on this very special Christmas...the first without Mom. He felt that it was important that the family while we will never be complete without Mom was as complete as it could be. So to my husband I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have truly made Christmas what it is suppose to be about...FAMILY!

~Christine

Hallmark...Always Remembered Keepsake Ornament...

A delicate silvery dove Keepsake Ornament to honor the memory of someone special who will be remembered always...Mom

What if...

What if the brilliant twinkling stars that bring the dark night sky to life are windows looking out of heaven?And at the very moment when we’re wishing on those stars, hoping that the loved ones we have lost are happy, safe and free…maybe they are looking at those same stars from the other side, making the same wish for us…sending us all their love.

What if...

Six months...

Today marks six months that you have been gone
Six months have passed yet it seems so new
The pain is still here, stronger than ever

Six months of wishing for just one more day,
To ask your opinion or just know your there

Why were you taken I was not ready to let go
You were my rock, my heart and now your gone

I wish you were still here to lend me a hand or to
tell me that I’m not doing so bad.

It’s a tough role to fill but I am doing my best
Carrying on traditions they way you would have.

Six months have passed yet it seems so new
The pain is still here yet we must all still carry on.

I miss and Love you Mom…

~Christine

Out to eat...

Saturday night John and I went out to Popeye’s for some seafood. We went for their late night special (10 pm). I cried my eyes out before making the decision to go. Mom loved going. The memories of it being cold out, seeing all the lights as we drove there just made me so sad… Sad that I can never experience this again with her. Sad that she’s not here to celebrate the holiday with…just sad…

~Christine

A visit...

On Friday I had Mia for the day and so I thought it would be nice to go up to Mom’s job and to visit with everyone. I haven’t been there since Mom’s passing so I thought bringing Mia with me would soften the pain. It was great to see everyone and they are always so warm and welcoming. I cried a little but in the end I was happy that I had stopped in for the visit…

~Christine

Happy Birthday to Me...

I have had a very emotional weekend and then with today being my birthday...well it didn't help. I didn't want to celebrate the day... am I wrong, I don't know. I woke up in a bad mood, eyes swollen from crying and went to work. At work they decorated and gave me cards and had a breakfast for me. I have to tell you that it worked...it made me feel better. Then with all of the Birthday wishes from family and friends I am feeling better. I guess I just have to remember that people are there for me and while it is okay to reframe from celebrating it's also okay too.

~Christine

I wanted to post these photos for those who can't bring themselves to go to the cemetery (and that's perfectly understood) and for those who live far away.

I know this will be hard for some of you to view but if you choose to view closely you with see her beautiful head stone that reads:

Judith R

Jan 10 1948

Jun 10 2007

Beloved wife of SSG

James J

Heredia

USA

Mother and Nana

Forever with Us

And that she is...Keep warm Mom...Love ya,

~Christine

It's time...

Yesterday we went to Abby's Nursery to pick out our Christmas tree and to get Mom a Blanket for the cemetery. A grave blanket is placed in front of the head stone and is decorated for Christmas. It's to keep her warm :)

We picked out our tree and then it was time to decide on a blanket. Picture this...John and I out at around 5:30, 30 degrees, dark and very cold ... crying. The only word for this is that it sucked...Mom should be here with us picking out our tree and not us picking out a blanket to place on her grave. But this is what we had to do. There were so many to choose from ... we went with a beautiful, yet simple one. It has a red bow (her fav color), poinsettia flowers and pine cones. It is very nice and we hope you all think so too.

~Christine

Hallmark...

Today I went to the Hallmark store to pick up some cards. By the way this is Mom's favorite store. I could literally set her free in there and she would stay for hours...LOL. I found it to be so much harder than I thought it would be. I was really having a difficult time in there. Christmas decorations were everywhere and their boxed holiday cards were on display. Oh, how I wish I could go the the Hallmark store with her just one more time. How I could tell her that she has enough cards and that she didn't need any more stickers.

Hallmark has out this year's Singing Snowman and friends. We have the whole collection so how could I pass it up? I couldn't and Mom wouldn't want me to....so here's to our new Christmas decoration!

~Christine

"Where Are You Christmas"

FAITH HILL LYRICS

"Where Are You Christmas"

Where are you Christmas

Why can't I find you

Why have you gone away

Where is the laughter

You used to bring me

Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing

I'm rearranging

Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas

Do you remember

The one you used to know

I'm not the same one

See what the time's done

Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here

Everywhere, oh

Christmas is here

If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind

You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas

I know I've found you

You never fade away

The joy of Christmas

Stays here inside us

Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas

Fill your heart with love

The stockings were hung...

So the decorating is in full swing at the Rojas/Heredia household and that means it was time to hang the stockings. Did we hang Mom's stocking you ask? Of course we did. It wouldn't be Christmas with out it...

"The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;"

~Christine

Just because I decorate doesn't mean I don't care...

I was a little unsure if I should decorate for Christmas. It was Mom's favorite holiday. She loved everything about it...the cold weather (snow), the music, the decorations, the lights and most of all the cards. She LOVED writing Christmas cards. Every year we would go to the Hallmark store and she would convince us that she needed just one more box of cards...oh, and the stickers. If you were one of the lucky ones to get one of her cards you know what I am talking about. She would put stickers all over the envelope. She also signed the cards with everyones name on it...that includes all of our cats and dogs. So as I started to sort out the decorations I decided that decorating is just what was in order. I also found Mom's card box...a huge storage bin with all types of Holiday cards, pens and of course stickers. Will I send out cards?... I guess I have to ... Have to carry on the traditions ... Have to decorate just like she would have wanted... Have to celebrate even though it breaks my heart to do it without her. But it's what needs to be done and I accept the challange but oh what a challenge it will be...

~Christine

Let Us Pray...

Please Pray for Our Family on this Thanksgiving Eve...That we will be comforted by the memerios of loss who have passed and those who can not be will us.

Please pray for our Father/Step Father that he be healed in mind and body.

That while he spends the holiday in the hospital,

that he too be comforted by the memories of his family.

Please pray that while we may not be all together on this holiday

that our hearts will be together as we gather to celebrate.

~Amen~

The tears keep flowing...

Well for the last two days John & I have had our moments. Sudden and unexplained sadness comes over us and we break down. Our dear friend Irene says that it's the anticipation of the upcoming holiday and she is so right. Right now John is making a list of things that we need to buy for tomorrow, Thanksgiving. If my Mom knew that we waited less than 24 hours to make a list, let alone shop she would hang us. Oh, and if she knew that we waited till last night to get the turkey she would scream. We took out Mom's pink book (she used this to make all of her holiday shopping lists and menus) and what do we find...the Easter menu. Sad...but glad to have and a list that we will never throw away.

What we have learned over the past week...We can not listen to Christmas music...the slow stuff...not yet...makes us cry.

I know that we will get through tomorrow...we may have our moments...but it's okay. Okay to miss her...okay to laugh....and, okay to cry.

~Christine

As Thanksgiving approaches...

As Thanksgiving Day approaches
Our blessings we recall;

The things we are most thankful for,

We recollect them all.
You are so very special, In all you said and did.

You’ve made a difference in our lives;

We’re so thankful for all you did.

Five Months Today...

It's been five months today that you have been gone.

The seasons are changing the weather turned cold.

Our lives are so different knowing your not here.

It doesn't seem fair that you can't be here.

But God has his reasons we all must trust

He knows what he is doing even though its so tough.

Each day we go on as our pain starts to heal

We miss you so dearly and wish you were still here....

~Christine

Follow the Yellow Brick Road...

That's right tonight on TNT @ 8:00 p.m. they are airing Mom's all time favorite movie The Wizard of Oz (her second most favorite would be Lord of the Rings). She LOVED this movie and she even had the privilege of meeting one of the Munchkins and got her autograph. That day she was on cloud nine. I can remember as a child when The Wizard of Oz was on we would all gather around the television to watch. It made for a very exciting evening. Do you think Mom had anything to do with this being on the night before her five month anniversary of her passing?? Could it be that she was thinking ... there's no place like home...

~Christine

A Tribute to Mom...

Steven got this tattoo in honour of Mom. It reads:

In Loving Memory

Judith Heredia

The tattoo is of a Rose...which was her favorite flower and middle name. It has a rosary bead around it with a cross at the end however, if you look closely the end of the link is broken.

"Our family chain is broken and nothing seems the same; but as God calls us one by one the chain will link again"...

~Christine

All Souls Day...

Friday evening, November 2, 2007, we attended Mass for All Souls Day. I have not been to church since Mom passed. I walked in, was handed the pamphlet, opened it, saw her name in black and white and walked right out. I had lost it. It was so much harder than I thought it would be. Once I regained my composure I went back in and sat with the family. It was a beautiful Mass and the Priest had some very comforting words…"You can sit around and cry or you can live the life they would want you to live”… Sure is easier said than done...

~Christine

Fakes-giving...

Question: What do you get when you take 2 shoppers, 5 cooks (Mia included) and a 16 pound Turkey???

Answer: Fakes-giving dinner.

Okay here’s the story. Mom always made the Thanksgiving turkey and all the trimmings. She would get up at what seemed like the crack of dawn, make her signature stuffing and get the turkey in the oven all before we woke up. So, where does that leave us? That leaves us with never having made a turkey before let alone buying one. That leaves us with less than 30 days till the big day. That leaves us without a turkey. Where do you get a fresh not frozen turkey the night before Fakes-giving? Hmmm…exactly. After countless stores it dawned on John…Zorn’s. Called them up and sure enough they had some. Okay so now we have the turkey, great!

On to Fakes-giving day (Oct. 28). Off to the stores John & Michael went. We girls, Christine, Lisa and Mia held down the fort at home. The Indians (Bob, Steve & James) were having visions of turkey drumsticks dance in their heads. Our guest Phyllis (Sandi’s Mom) was home waiting for the feast. The pressure was mounting.

Home came the shoppers and it’s off to the kitchen. There was cutting, there was chopping. There was the mixing of the Cheerios (Mia’s part). There was the browning of the sausage. There were tears but most of all there was laughter. Laughter, which filled the kitchen knowing that Mom was looking down on us and laughing her ass off. But you know what, we did it. We actually did it!!! Everything turned our great.

We set the dining room table for what would be the first dining room meal without Mom. Who was to take the head seat, Mom’s seat? Me? No I couldn’t. Leave it empty? Nope, that didn’t seem right. Fill it with one of Mom’s joys…Mia. Yup, that’s exactly what we did. Mom would be happy. I won’t lie…It was hard. Hard to set the table knowing she wasn’t there. Hard sitting down to eat knowing that she wouldn’t be there.

But we gathered as a family around the dining room table and enjoyed a feast that Mom would be proud of. Was she there with us? You bet she was!

~Christine

Click here to see photos of Fakes-giving!!

Mom's Ornament...

We ordered Mom's Christmas Ornament . Here it is...

Yes, We renewed it!

Mom's Martha Stewart magazine subsciption renewal came in the mail. Do we renew??? How could we not. She loved the magazine so YES, I renewed it! Here's to another year of Martha!

Oh how I wish just one more time...

I always called my Mom at work during the day, several times at that. What did we talk about... who knows ... anything, nothing at all. I miss that soo much. At work my co-worker calls her Mom throughout the day, basically just to touch base. I so envy her. It's sometimes hard to hear her talking to her Mother. Then again I try to remember when I used to play around on the phone with Mom. If she said something that was hard to believe I would say to her to "shut up" or I would hold down a key on the phone or bang the receiver on the desk. These things she all thought were amusing. I would give anything for one last "shut up" :)

~Christine

A Heartfelt Card...

We received a card from one of my Mom's dear friends, JoEllen. They grew up together and have kept in contact over the years.

Someone who has truly touched us

will always be close through

memories and the beauty of love.

May the beauty that filled your heart

live on as an enduring presence,

offering you strength and peace.

"I wish you continued strength & Peace as time goes on"

With Much Love,

JoEllen

How???

The last two days at lunch time I have gone to my favorite store, Target to look around. They are already starting to phase out Halloween and bring out Christmas. I have to admit that I don't know HOW I am going to get through Christmas. HOW am I suppose to decorate... HOW am I suppose to put on those cheery Christmas songs....HOW am I suppose to.... HOW????

Have no fear though while holding back those tears I was able to purchase my first Christmas decoration of 2007. I bought a new kitchen table cloth with snow flakes on it. All I kept hearing was "Oh, we need that...get it".... so yes Mom, I bought it :)

~Christine

Please join us...Friday, November 2, 7:30 pm

New Traditions...

Yesterday Mom's Martha Stewart Magazine came in the mail. The issue is for November 2007, making it the Thanksgiving issue. Can you see what it says?

"Thanksgiving's New Traditions"...oh how true that is.

~Christine

Four months have past...

Four months have past since the day you were called home...

Four months have past without your smile to call our own...

Four months have past since we last heard a word...

Four months have past since you left us alone...

Four months and life still must go on....

Four months have past but the pain is still our own....

We miss you Mom and not a day goes by that you are not on our minds and in our souls.

We love and miss you with all of our Heart & Souls...

~Christine

Does this ever happen to you ???

Sometimes I can be in the middle of something like work or driving and something just comes over me that makes me sad. I just start to think about Mom and wishing she was here. Sometimes or actually most of the time I just start crying. So, if you see me with a tear in my eye it will be just for a moment. A moment of wishing, of hoping, of praying that Mom was still here.

Does this ever happen to you???

~Christine

A song that brings tears to my eyes...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otMB3WVQNVg

Avril Lavigne: When You're Gone Lyrics ~

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now

[Chorus]

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok

I miss you

I've never felt this way before

Everything that I do reminds me of you

And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor

And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now

[Chorus]

We were made for each other

Out here foreverI know we were, yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

[Chorus]

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear will always get me through the day

And make it OK

I miss you

A card...

Yesterday John and I received a card in the mail from his brother Eric. The card meant so much to us that I would like to share it with you...hope you don't mind Eric.

The card read:

Most great people have something in common: they all have at least one person in their corner who believes in them. I'm sure I'm only one of many who admire and think the universe of you. I hope you can draw endless energy from knowing that wherever you are, whatever you're going through, there will always be someone to count on. There will always be someone somewhere wishing the best for you, rooting for you in spirit. There will always be someone who thinks of you, cares for you, loves you. That someone is me. ~D. Derrick Barnes

Johnny & Christine~

Just wanted to let you know you have been in my heart and my prayers. I think the world of both of you. Your both so beautiful and giving and I pray that God brings you through these hard times and makes you stronger.

God Bless
~Eric

Do you still cry???

This past week I have been really emotional. I cry at least once a day. Sometimes I find myself thinking of "the" day, the Friday before and just daily things I miss calling about to tell her. The Friday before "the" day Mom was so upset that she called me at work crying because food would not stay down. I was so upset that I almost called the doctor. Mom did call and found out that baked fish would stay down. That night John came home with fresh fish and we baked it up and had it for dinner. Mom was so happy that something actually stayed down. That would be our last meal together at the kitchen table. Memories like that bring tears to my eyes...

Last Friday John bought a wonderful gift for the house...a digital picture frame. It's amazing. He loaded a bunch of pictures of Mom and the family onto it, set it to music and let it play. It is really amazing. I turn it on everyday when I get home from work and then of course I cry while I watch it. If you haven't seen it yet bring a box of tissues with you. You're sure to shed a tear or two.

While thinking of the memories is what makes me cry, they are an invaluable gift that I have. No one can take them away from me EVER! These memories are what make the world go round...What makes life, life.

But I still ask the question...Do you still cry???

~Christine

Pictures...they are a falling...

This actually happened last week to myself, Michael and Lisa. Here's the story...I was in Steven's room, looking over all of the stuff that Teresa had brought over. See, she needed to stay with us for a couple of days before she moved out of state to Tennessee. Steven was letting her use his room for the 4 days. I was in Steven's room looking at all of the luggage and just wondering how they were going to get all of this stuff onto the airplane when I turned and looked into Steven's mirror. There on the mirror's edge sat a picture of him and Mom. I looked at it and it fell down...weird I thought. It has been up there for 3 months now and hasn't fallen. Well that's when the other picture that Steven had of him and Mom also fell down. Wow...I stopped. Mom you are here...knowing exactly what is going on around us. I got goosebumps up and down my arm. I put the pictures back up and there they have stayed.

The story continues that Michael and Lisa have experienced the same thing just last week. He wasn't sure what it meant but once I told him what happened to me it was clear. Mom is always around us. Watching us and knowing what is going on. Mom, we miss you and keep making those pictures fall.

~Christine

Have Rice pot will travel...

Mom’s huge rice pot was been making its way around. Mom’s used it to make white rice when she made rice and beans. The rice always cooked up so nice and fluffy. Several weeks ago John asked his mother for her Spanish Rice recipe…She wrote down the ingredients and told him the steps to prepare it...off John went. The rice came out awesome. Since then the rice pot has made it’s rounds…Joe & Roseann’s house and just this past weekend Palma & Joe’s. His rice is a hit…he even made it yesterday for us at the house. John feels honored to use this pot. He loves to cook and would always take tips from Mom. John feels connected to Mom through his cooking and by using the very pot that she used makes him feel like she is right there cooking with him...and we all know she is.

~Christine

A Great Lady...

She was an excellent lady and will be missed greatly. Keep her in your thought everyday and soon the tears will turn into laughter. I have been doing this and I find myself laughing more than crying, especially with Mia. She will know all about her grandmother, good times and bad.

~Michael

Mom's Sausage & Potatoes...

So last night I decided to make one of Mom's signature dishes...Sausage & Potatoes. This meal requires several steps. First the sausage would need to be browned. Mom would whip out the fry pan and toss the sausage in. This made for a big, greasy, mess. I thought there has to be a less messy way...so I whipped out the broiling tray. Tossed the sausage, hit broil on the oven and tossed those babies in. While the sausage was doing their browning thing I cubed up the potatoes, seasoned them and tossed them in Mom's big, and I do mean big silver bowl. By the time I was done so were the sausage. I transferred everything into a baking tray, covered with foil and set the oven to 350. 1 1/2 hours later, Walla, we had Mom's sausage & potatoes. Oh don't get me wrong the kitchen still was a mess, just as if Mom had been there to make it...and I wouldn't have it any other way...

~Christine

A start...

Dear Family & Friends,

I started this blog today in loving memory of a remarkable woman...My Mom. I plan on sharing my thoughts, my sorrows...my life, in the hopes of helping me heal. My mom was everything to me and by sharing my days with her and you I will begin to heal from the inside out. Many thanks for taking this passage with me. Please feel free to leave a comment...post a memory, a feeling or something that you would like to share.

~Christine