Remembering that day...

Today I passed the hospital where we learned that you had gone. The weather was warm that day, but not too warm as it was still early June. The sky was blue with a slight breeze in the air. We all left the house at the same time and arrived at the hospital relatively together. I was dressed in my cleaning clothes as I had been dusting the kitchen blinds while making chocolate chip cookies. When we got to the hospital I ran in to meet up with James who was at the desk giving information on you. I remember asking Teresa to help him out as she was good at relaying information that was needed. I went outside and started to pace back and forth. Michael arrived not long after us and went inside. When he came outside (we were all outside the hospital at that point) he told us that you didn't make it. I just couldn't believe it but he said it was true. He was holding tight onto baby Mia who was dressed only in a onesie as he flew into his car when we told him that we were heading to the hospital. I can only image the 25 minute drive to meet us. Lisa was at a Bridal Shower and had her friend take her to the hospital to meet us. John was on the phone with Sandi while Teresa was just getting ready to hand Matthew over to his Grandmother. Bob and Steven were standing/pacing around like I was. All of us learned about your fate at the same time weather physically there or not. The day plays over in my mind constantly as if it were yesterday. I remember having to say goodbye, leaving you there and wondering if you would be okay. Was that what I was suppose to do? It didn't feel right just leaving you there. Would the nurses take care of you, doing what ever you do to someone that has passed on? The staff was nice but I really didn't pay much attention. It felt like we were on display as we were all in and out of the room where you laid. It was surreal. How could the world be going on when you just died? How could people in the lobby be watching television? Didn't they know you just passed away? It truly was the saddest day of my life and a day that I will never, ever forget. As we drove away from the hospital to head back home I recall saying that this can't be real. I remember not sleeping that night. I paced the house, wrapped in your blanket. I even went outside, for what, I really don't know. I cried and cried that night. The kind of cry that makes it hard to breath through your nose. I could not image going on but on is what we did, what we had to do. I miss you every single day and will for the rest of my life.