Some guilt...

This as been on my mind for a while and it finally came out Saturday night on the way home from visiting with Bob, Sandi & Gavin. I have always felt a little sense of guilt about the day that Mom passed. Let me start from the beginning. The day before (Saturday) we had our father's day picnic, yes, it was a week early. Bob, Sandi and Gavin came in for it. Michael had a bachelor party to attend in Atlantic City so Lisa & Mia spend the day and night with us. That next morning started out a little hectic. Teresa had an argument with her boyfriend and called the house early so that she could come over. Lisa and Mia were already at the house and Bob & Sandi were at her parents house and had not yet left to go back to Pennsylvania. Since John & I were up already because of the early phone call from Teresa we called Bob & Sandi and told them to stop over before they left for home and they did. So we were all there, hanging out. It was early and I didn't really know if Mom was up or not. I believe that Sandi asked if she was up and I probably told her that she was sleeping. This is were the guilt comes in. WHY, WHY, WHY did I not just go upstairs and see. Even if she was sleeping we could have woken her up and they would have gotten to see her one last time. I feel so bad about this, really I do. I know that there is nothing I can do to change it but to think about it makes me cry.

We visited with Bob, Sandi & Gavin this weekend and had a great time. Gavin is an amazing little boy and I am so proud of him. We had a great visit. While the boys were playing Sandi and I had some down time and we just sat and talked and of course I cried. On the way home the guilt set in and I was hysterical. I guilt was so fierce. I was driving and crying. I made John call them to tell them that I was so very sorry that I didn't let them see Mom. They were sweet and caring and told me that I was crazy and that they didn't hold anything against me.

I want to thank them for understanding and for letting me get this off of my chest.

Happy Birthday Bob, to both of my Bob's. Hope you guys enjoy your day.

To Sandi & Bob, thanks again for a great visit!

~Christine